Debunked: The Common Myths About End-Of-Life Planning
Planning ahead for death isn’t about being morbid—it’s about making loving, practical choices so your people aren’t left guessing. Below are the most common myths we hear, and what’s actually true.
Myth 1: “Funeral planning is only for the elderly or the sick.”
Reality: A basic plan at any age reduces stress, costs, and confusion. Sudden loss happens. Writing down even a few preferences—who to call, preferred disposition (burial, cremation, etc.), type of gathering—helps ensure your wishes are honored.
Pro tips:
- Capture the essentials: disposition choice, service style (religious/ secular/ celebration), key contacts, and funding source.
- Tell at least one trusted person where your plan is stored.
Myth 2: “A funeral must be expensive to be respectful.”
Reality: Meaning > money. A thoughtful, personal service can be simple and profoundly healing. Costs are driven by choices, not by how much you care.
Ways to keep costs reasonable:
- Choose a simple disposition and a modest casket or urn.
- Use a home, park shelter, community center, or place of worship as the venue.
- Invite family and friends to participate—music, readings, photos, food.
Myth 3: “Only funeral directors can plan a proper service.”
Reality: Licensed funeral directors provide valuable expertise and resources for the care of the deceased and offer guidance in planning services. Collaborating with family and friends to honor the wishes of the deceased is essential for creating a meaningful service. The optimal way to utilize a funeral director is often determined by the desired type of service and disposition.
Pro tips:
- Start with your vision (religious rite, life celebration, intimate gathering).
- Ask a funeral home what they must handle vs. what you can do yourselves (programs, speakers, slideshow, reception).
Myth 4: “A funeral must happen immediately.”
Reality: Timelines vary by state law, logistics, and family needs. Many families schedule services days or even weeks later to allow for travel, religious customs, or coordination.
Timing considerations:
- Travel and work schedules of key people
- Availability of an officiant/venue
- Disposition choice and required authorizations
- Organ, eye, or tissue donation; possible autopsy
Myth 5: “Embalming is required.”
Reality: Embalming is not legally required in most cases. Embalming should be considered if choosing an open casket viewing, the timeframe between death and disposition, and certain transportation plans.
Questions to ask:
- Is embalming required for our choices?
- Can refrigeration meet our needs instead?
Myth 6: “Cremated remains (ashes) must be buried or scattered immediately.”
Reality: Cremation is considered a final disposition, therefore it is up to the family, next-of-kin to decide if and when the cremated remains will be placed in an urn, buried, scattered in an appropriate place, or made into a piece of art or jewelry.
Important note:
- Don’t leave cremated remains unclaimed at a funeral home or crematory. Make a plan for long-term care or placement.
Myth 7: “Burial and cremation are the only options.”
Reality: Traditional burial and cremation are common, but some states also allow additional methods. Availability depends on local law and providers.
Examples you may encounter:
- Green/Natural Burial: No embalming chemicals; biodegradable materials; return to the earth naturally.
- Alkaline Hydrolysis (sometimes called Aquamation): Uses water, heat, and alkalinity to reduce remains; often described as a gentler, lower-energy alternative to flame cremation.
- Natural Organic Reduction (NOR): A controlled, natural process that transforms remains into nutrient-rich soil.
Tip: Ask a local provider which options are currently available in your state or region, as laws and offerings change over time.
Myth 8: “Advance plans eliminate the family’s role.”
Reality: Advance planning sets the guardrails, not the script. Your loved ones will still make meaningful choices (date/time, speakers, music, obituary timing, reception details) within the framework you’ve left.
Why this helps:
- Less second-guessing and family conflict
- Faster, clearer decisions during a difficult week
- Better alignment with your values and budget